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UNDERSTANDING THE GROOMING PROCESS BY SEX OFFENDERS # 3

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CANDY

 

 

 

Grooming techniques are specific behaviors that sex offenders engage in which increase the likelihood

that they will successfully be able to abuse a child and not get caught. The behaviors are planned and

serve the purpose of preparing the victim or the people around the victim, making it easier for the

perpetrator to offend against the child.

Most sexual-abuse is preceded by grooming, particularly when the victim is known to the offender.

Grooming is a process that can take quite a while, even months or years, and can be very subtle and sneaky. Victims of grooming often do not realize that they are being manipulated until after they have been sexually abused, and even then, some victims do not see how the grooming led to their abuse.

The first step in grooming is used to identify potential victims. Offenders give children “tests” to see who might offer the least resistance to being abused. Offenders look for children who:

• Are vulnerable

• Have poor boundaries

• Will keep a secret

• Have poor self-esteem

• Have few social supports or friends

• May have behavioral problems

Grooming is used to gain a child’s trust and confidence so that they will want to spend time with the perpetrator. Behaviors used to accomplish this include:

• Singling out specific children for attention

• Giving gifts, particularly those that may be allowed by a parent

• Allowing children to violate parent’s rules

• Relates to the child as a peer through music, movies, and other common interests

• Bribing children

• Providing drugs or alcohol

• Taking the child on special outings

Grooming is used to increase a child’s comfort level with being touched and with sexual material.

These behaviors may include:

• Physical contact such as tickling or wrestling

• “Accidentally” touching a child’s genitals

• Using excuses such as checking development or cleaning to look at and touch a child’s genitals

• Sexually explicit conversations

• Viewing pornography with the child

Once abuse has occurred, grooming techniques are used to manipulate children into keeping the abuse a secret and to feel responsible for the abuse. Behaviors that help to accomplish this goal include:

• Threats of harm to the child or family

 • Threats of harm to the offender, such as “I will go to jail” or “I will never be able to see you again.”

• Telling children that they are “learning” about sex

• Telling children that they “like” it or “want” the abuse

• Telling children that no one will believe them if they tell

• Threatening to show pictures or videos of child’s abuse

Offenders don’t only groom children, but they use specific behaviors to gain the trust of family and community members. This decreases the likelihood that people around them will be concerned about their behavior and makes the victim less likely to be believed if they do disclose. Offenders engage in such behaviors as:

• Being very charming and helpful

• Taking jobs or volunteer positions where they have access to children

• Establishing themselves as an insider very quickly

• Making themselves indispensable, either financially or through other means

This grooming process is a critical time for adults to intervene and prevent the abuse of a child.

Identifying the behaviors of an adult who is a potential risk of harm to children and taking action to intervene is the key to protecting children. If you think a child is being groomed, trust your “gut feeling” and act on it:

• Listen for statements or questions from your child that would support your suspicions

• Encourage your child to tell you more about the time he or she spends with the person

• Assert yourself and end questionable behavior

• Be willing to stop all contact between the child and the potential abuser, even if it makes you

the “bad guy”

“Some men’s sins are open beforehand, going before to judgment; and some men they follow after.”1 Timothy 5:24 

UNDERSTANDING SEX OFFENDERS:

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WHAT THE SEX OFFENDERS TELL US

Barbara Boslaugh Haner, MN, ARNP

There are over 20,000 registered sex offenders currently residing within Washington State.  Although most media attention is given to known sex offenders moving into the area, the majority of sex offenders are unknown to the general public.  The typical sex offender is male, at least a high school graduate, is more likely than other criminals to be employed and typically do not have criminal records.   Although many believe offenders are dirty old men in trench coats lurking in the bushes around schools, in fact 85%-90% of child sexual abusers are known to the family.  Sex offenders most often are family members, friends, and other adults with significant relationships with children who rely on secrecy and manipulative behavior patterns to identify and target their victims. Additionally, while most other criminals decrease their criminal activity as they age, sex offenders typically do not.  Instead, most sex offenders continue to offend against their targeted populations until they are physically incapable.

Child sexual abuse usually begins with a sex offender gaining both the parent’s and the child’s trust and friendship, becoming a valuable and indispensable part of the family.    Once a relationship has been established, the offender will begin to test the child’s knowledge and ability to protect themselves. Sexual jokes, back rubs, “accidental” sexual touching, and hugging, often done in the presence of the parent, are utilized to “test the waters.”  If these behaviors are not received with alarm, the offender will increase the amount and type of sexual exposure.  To adjust the child to sexual activity, offenders commonly utilize casual or accidental exposure to pornography.

[perfectpullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]85%-90% of child sexual abusers are known to the family.[/perfectpullquote]

Offenders also take great precautions to avoid causing physical pain or injury to their victims because injury sharply increases the likelihood the child will disclose the behavior.   Most sex offenders of children are content with self-exposure, fondling, masturbation and oral sex.  Penile penetration is rare.  This preparation or grooming process is often so sly that children are not aware that these behaviors violate the “good touch, bad touch” philosophy that is the current gold standard for education.   The emphasis on “stranger danger” is not applicable within this criminal act.   By creating an environment that isolates the child from their peers and other family members, the offenders often instill a sense of responsibility for the sexual behavior on the child.

What do the offenders tell us about prevention?   Turning to convicted offenders has generated concrete suggestions to decrease the risk of child sexual assault.

  • Secrets:  Offenders tell us that teaching the dangers of secret friendships, secret gifts, secret behaviors, and secret places is more valuable than any other educational format.
  • Believe:  Listen, and trust your child. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse.
  • Education:  Teach accurate and healthy values about sexuality. If we don’t teach our children about sex, the offenders will.
  • Remind:  Frequently remind your child about when and where people can touch their bodies.
  • Monitor:  Get to know your child’s friends and peers, as well as adults that have contact with your child.  Be wary of older children and adults who want to spend a lot of time alone with your child. Are the gifts or privileges your child receives appropriate?

Increased awareness and understanding of how offenders target and maintain their victims is vital to effective prevention.  From information supplied by convicted offenders, programs can be developed that effectively counteract the methods utilized by offenders.   Without good safety programs and informed professionals and parents, children will continue to be vulnerable and sexually victimized.

Community Information Packet- page 12

PROTECTION FROM PEDOPHILES

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 Pedophile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


By Ken Blue

 “Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:” Proverbs 24:3

No guarantees that your child will not be molested. A pedophile, a serial killer, a drug addict, or a thief can live under your roof without you knowing of their wickedness, or devices.  

  • According to a Community Information Packet provided by the Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office in Washington State, one in four girls are assaulted by age 18. One in five boys is assaulted by age 18. Over 1/3rd of child sexual abuse involves children age five or younger. 85-90% of child sex offenders are known to the victims and their family.

Most pedophiles are male, but not all. Pedophiles love to play with and be around children. Obviously they feel safer, and find it easier to control and “groom” them. We will speak more about the grooming process later. Not every person who loves to play with children is a pedophile, but when they prefer to be with small children rather than adults, it might be a red flag.

Not all pedophiles are stalkers. They fall into three major categories. We will also deal with these in another blog.

In this article there are some things I believe you should consider in order to protect your church and children.

  • Submit a background check on every person who works with children under 18. You can secure these from the police department, county sheriff, or State Patrol. Explain to the one you are doing the background check, that it is being done, and why. If they refuse, you already know they have a past.
  • Do not give them the ministry until you get the background report back. Wait until the report is processed, and you have it in hand before you meet with the person. If the report is negative, never place that person in a ministry where they will be alone with children.
  • Have two male teachers in every boy’s class. Explain to each teacher, if he/she sees any inappropriate behavior they should warn the other teacher. Knowledge of actual sexual abuse must be reported to the police at once.
  • Have women teach girls, and men teaching boys.
  • Have windows in every classroom.
  • Do not allow any obstruction on the windows, for any reason.
  • Have the class arranged so you can see the teachers through the glass.
  • Have hall monitors to look through the glass twice during class time. Do not have a set routine for these checks.
  • Never allow teachers to go in the bathroom with a child. Have them stand outside the door.
  • Never allow students to sit on the laps of male workers.
  • Install cameras in key locations. If you need advice, ask a police officer for help.
  • You are required by law to report any sexual complaint from an adult or child.  
  • You could also contact your insurance company for advice. In some cases, your cost will go down when you impalement deterrents to sexual abuse. 

(Special thanks to Officer Mike McBride for suggestions, and providing the literature we are gleaning from).

 

CULTURE COUNTS

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culture Here I Am Lord

By Ken Blue

“For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more. And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law. To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.” 1 Corinthians 9:19-23.

North America consists of many diverse cultures and ethnic groups. Churches that ignore this truth do so to their own peril. This fact is made more evident by Chinatown, Little Italy and other community groups within most large cities.

Churches that attempt to force a culture into their church, foreign to the surrounding community, will find it like trying to drive a square peg into a round hole. It is practically impossible. Paul never attempted to bring Jewish culture or customs into Gentile churches. The gospel and the Pauline epistles easily fit any culture.

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]A pastor should make every effort to see that his church is not foreign to the area where he serves.[/pullquote]

I see some pastors attempting to force southern culture into their churches in the northern states. There is a world of difference, not only within large cities, but within the various states. Of course the gospel is the same, but the cultures may not be the same. That is why a pastor should make every effort to see that his church is not foreign to the area where he serves. Paul was able and willing to adapt, but Some pastors are not. It is easier to let people go to hell, than it is to adjust.

We must ask ourselves; are we trying to get men and women transformed into the image of Christ, or are we trying to force a culture that is foreign to them? Every foreign missionary knows what I am talking about. Do you?

BUT NOW

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 jesus-on-cross

(DID YOU KNOW THAT MORMON WIVES CANNOT BE RAISED FROM THE GRAVE TO GLORY, UNLESS THEIR HUSBANDS CALL THEM FROM THE GRAVE BY A SECRET NAME GIVEN AT THE TEMPLE WEDDING? THAT IS WHY TEMPLE WEDDINGS ARE SO IMPORTANT TO MORMONS. MORMONISM IS A CULT.)
WHAT WONDERFUL GRACE
By Ken Blue

 

“Thou hast put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him.” Hebrews 2:8.

God writes the future in the past. I’m not speaking of “past tense.” It is wonderful what God has done for us. But now we don’t see it. We walk by faith and not by sight.

In the matter of our salvation, nothing is tangible or visible. All is by faith. The book of Ephesians and Colossians make that abundantly clear. We find that we are crucified with Him, buried with Him, risen with Him, and seated with Him. But now we see none of it. We are told to “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:2. We aren’t told what those things are. All of them are in Christ. This actions is one of faith. Why? “But now” we see Jesus.

In the matter of Israel’s coming conversion to Christ is an established fact, according to Scripture.

“Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5  But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. 6  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. 7  He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. 8  He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.” Isaiah 53:4-8.

The above text was written seven hundred years before the birth of Jesus. It clear that the nation did not recognize Him or His work at the first advent. Yet, somewhere in the future they will see clearly who He was, and what He did for them. “But now” He is not acknowledged by them. He will be made known to some in the Tribulation, and to others at His second advent. The work in complete, but now it is unseen.

In the matter of the Kingdom, all things will be under His feet. “But now” very little is subject to Christ. “For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. 6  Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: 7  All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; 8  The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. 9  O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!” Psalm 8:5-9.  

The writer of Hebrews is quoting this passage to show that Jesus will put down all rule and authority during the 1000 your kingdom. At the end everything will be in subjection, and Christ and His people will rule the earth, as was originally intended of Adam and his descendants. These are sure, “But now” we see none of it. But we see Jesus, and why He was made a little lower than the angels, and why He died. “But now” we walk by faith, seeing Him who is invisible.