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HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS BETWEEN CHURCH MEMBERS

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CONFLICTS ARE INEVITABLE
Conflicts

By Ken Blue

“He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.” Proverbs 26:17.

If we spend much time with people, we will find that conflicts are inevitable. This was true of the Lord’s Disciples, of Paul and Barnabas and the early church. Since we are vulnerable, we must do all we can to avoid conflict, and seek to help others whenever possible.

The best thing to do is to avoid conflicts that do not concern you; read the above verse again. A good rule to remember is; advice unsolicited is usually unheeded, and unappreciated. Also, if you take sides in a church conflict, expect to lose those involved.

A young pastor came to me some years ago and related the following story. Some families were arguing among themselves. One family came to the pastor and laid out their side of the story. Afterwards, the pastor said, “It sounds silly to me, and the other family is wrong.” That was all the family needed. They went immediately to the other family and told them word for word what the pastor said. The other family never came back to church and in time the other left also.

Another situation involved young people and drugs. The pastor warned a father that he would be wise to keep his teen from the others. The father told his teen, the teen told the teens in question and they told their parents what the pastor had said about them. You guessed it; the pastor now had all the parents to deal with just to avoid a stoning. Remember, even a police officer warns a criminal that what he says can and will be used against him in a court of law. I am telling you, what you say will be used against YOU. So, be careful that you never say anything that can be turned against you, no matter who you are talking with.

[perfectpullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Many problems will heal themselves, if the pastor remains un-involved.[/perfectpullquote]

When people come to you, hear them out. Sometimes that and a little advice is all it will take. Many conflicts are over a misunderstanding between believers. Sometimes you can clear things up after hearing both parties. Don’t hesitate to point out the error of the person you are talking to, if needed. However, don’t say anything negative about the other persons unless you have no problem with them relaying your comments.

Pray for wisdom and seek advice from another pastor. Don’t mention names. Sometimes it is wise to meet with each family separately first, then bring them together when you have the facts and a plan for reconciliation.

You will find, in many cases, by the time you are brought into the counseling session the damage has already gone beyond reconciliation, and nothing you do will heal the bitterness and hurt. All you can do then is pray for those involved and be available if needed.

One last thought. Many problems will heal themselves, if the pastor remains un-involved. A major mistake pastors make, is thinking they must get involved and resolve every conflict. In many cases, the best thing you can do is stay out of it! Warren Wiersbe said, “Little frogs look big is small ponds; stop fighting frogs and make the pond bigger.”

A DUO OF FOOLS

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By Ken Blue

“And the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat the king of Judah sat each on his throne, having put on their robes, in a void place in the entrance of the gate of Samaria; and all the prophets prophesied before them.” 1 Kings 22:10.

Neither robes nor thrones keep men from being wicked and fools. The throne does not make one a king, and the robe does not mean one is royalty. We see both truths illustrated in the two men before us. Ahab was a wicked fool, and Jehoshaphat was a blind fool.

Ahab was the king if the ten Northern tribes; known as Israel. Jehoshaphat was king of the two Southern tribes; known as Judah. There was no limit to the wickedness of Ahab. He killed God’s prophets, set up idols for Israel to worship, had Naboth killed in order of steal his vineyard, rejected the Word of God, and secured his own false prophets.

Ahab had repeated wars with Syria and had won the last two, in spite of his incomplete obedience. He decided the time had come to attack Syria and reclaim certain cities. He contacted Jehoshaphat, asking him and his army to join him in this venture.

Sad to say, Jehoshaphat traveled to Samaria and met with Ahab. They felt they should seek God and ask how the battle would go. Both, Ahab and Jehoshaphat donned their royal robes and sat in an elevated place at the gate.

Jehoshaphat was nervous and asks Ahab to seek advice of the prophets. Four hundred of Ahab’s prophets were available. Each one assured the kings that victory for Israel was certain. However, Jehoshaphat still was not convinced and asks Ahab if a prophet of LORD was available. There was one, but Ahab hated him and had him in prison. Jehoshaphat persuaded Ahab to send for him.

Micaiah, the prophet of the LORD was brought before the kings and ask how the battle would go. He assured them that Israel would be defeated. In fact, he assured Ahab that he would be killed. In a fit of rage, Ahab sent him back to prison to be afflicted. However, true to form, Ahab was a wicked fool and went against the Word of the LORD again.

We are reluctant to call Jehoshaphat a fool, but we can come to no other conclusion. What was he doing joining with the likes of Ahab? Why did he sit by and allow Micaiah to be mistreated and returned to prison? But, these are not the extent of his stupidity. Notice the suggestion Ahab makes, and that Jehoshaphat went along with it! (?). “And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, I will disguise myself, and enter into the battle; but put thou on thy robes. And the king of Israel disguised himself, and went into the battle.” 1 Kings 22:30.

If there are two men in the Bible more stupid than these two, I don’t know who they would be. Ahab was wicked and stupid. And what can we say of Jehoshaphat? Ahab should have worn a t-shirt that said, “I’m with stupid.”

There is a lesson for all of us. Don’t assume that preachers who are esteemed royalty and held in high esteem are either good or wise; they might be otherwise.   

SONG OF SOLOMON

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SERMON #1

SERMON #2

SERMON #3

SERMON #4

SERMON # 5

SERMON #6

SERMON #7

TRIMMING THE CHURCH BUDGET

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By Ken Blue

church budget“There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.” Proverbs 21:20.

Recently, a pastor friend asks if I would write something about trimming the church budget. He then laughed and said, “Maybe the answer is to just run it through the shredder.” That would be an easy way to get rid of the budget, but it will not eliminate the problem.

The first thing is to make a list of every known expense you have. Once you have done that, separate between the fixed expenses and the variable or non fixed expenses. Fixed expenses are easy to identify. However, it may be necessary to keep a diary of all other expenses so you will know where non-designated monies go. You will discover that these differ from day to day.

See where you spend your money, and decide what you could do without. Some expenses are one-time events. But there are also expenses that you’ll regularly see in the diary. Monitoring your spending this way helps alert you to the expenses that add up quickly and really don’t significantly improve your ministry. Eliminate as many of these as you can.

As you consider expenses, there may be ways to reduce the overhead. I will list a few things to consider.

1. You might be able to cut down on the number of phones you have, or the plan.

2. Turn the water heater down. Check to see that toilets are not running 24/7. You can work out a fixed yearly budget with the city or county concerning utilities.

3. Put lower wattage and fewer light bulbs in fixtures.

4. Install motion sensor switches in each room so lights will go off when there’s no activity.

5. Make sure the heat and air conditioner are off when the building is not in use.

6. See that windows are closed.

7. Set heat a couple of degrees lower.

8. Look for signs of waste and eliminate it.

9. If required, talk to the bank about refinancing to lower your payments.

10.  Do not add missionaries or building projects that you can’t pay for.

11. Cut back or eliminate special meetings and guest speakers; they do not build your church attendance or budget.

12. If necessary, have the midweek service in a smaller room and save on heat.

13. Double your outreach efforts. When Jesus wanted Peter to pay the taxes, He sent him to catch a fish!

14.  If none of these solve the problem, you may need to lay off some staff.

15. Take special offerings occasionally to meet a need.

16. In some cases, the pastor may be required to seek additional employment.

Pastor, there’s only so much you can do. However, I am convinced that there are some things you could do that might ease the financial burden a little.

“MY SON, MY SON, ABSALOM”

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By Ken Blue

“And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!” 2 Samuel 18:33.

Of course, there was no excuse for the behavior of Absalom. There are many things about which one can speculate, but that’s all it would be. For some reason, Absalom hated and resented his father. He sought to take the kingdom from him, and shame him by committing adultery with his father’s wives.  

Absalom may have been angered by his father’s neglect. It is difficult to run a kingdom and have time for one’s family. But, none of us need excuses to rebel against our parents. We always justify our actions. David may have been at fault, but Absalom was guilty and still responsible.

However, our concern is not with the behavior of Absalom; it is with the grief of a father. David was grieving for Absalom long before Joab killed him. And so it is; every parent who has had a rebellious son or daughter can understand David’s cry. And, if that child dies in rebellion, the heart ache is just so much greater.

We are quick to pass judgment on others when tragedy strikes them, and many times suggest that the parents or the child had it coming. That may be true, but that should never be our response. We need to learn to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Christianity is a religion of the heart as well as of the head.   

All of us can read the story and hear David’s cry. But, only a few can read it and identify with it. Nothing hurts like a broken, crushed heart. Thus, we too learn to cry with David “…O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!” Our own family failures, personal sins, and gratitude for God’s forgiveness, ought to put us in a frame of mind that not only hears David, but holds his hand as we climb the stairs with him.