GUARANTEED TO SPLIT YOUR CHURCH

By Ken Blue

One way to ensure a split is to fill your church with transfer members from other churches. These dear people have already been indoctrinated, and they will criticize how you run the church. Open Door had two small splits in its first 10 years. Both were led by older ex-pastors who were unsuccessful in building their own churches. Their attempt to build with my members also failed. So, don’t be too eager to court disgruntled members transferring from another church.

Be sure to major on controversial issues. Fill each Sunday morning sermon with attacks on other Bibles, other churches, political leaders, and fags. Be as negative as you can. Nothing fosters a self-righteous spirit in church members like attacks on everyone else.

Don’t plan any programs where people can fellowship or get to know one another. If you do, they might grow to love each other; and it is difficult to have a church split where people really love each other. Also, they might love someone else more than you!

Don’t let people know when you are going to make changes; spring it on them. Nothing fuels discontentment like being in the dark, or being removed from a ministry.

Don’t allow people freedom or ownership of ministries. Micromanage every aspect of the church and make all decisions. This will guarantee they never feel a part of the church, and it will make it easier for them to exit with like minded friends.

Don’t preach as much about church unity and love as you do about tithing and soul winning. Although the Bible speaks of love and unity more that it does of heaven, hell, tithing, or soul winning; you can’t afford to let this be known, if you want a church split.

Don’t have a membership class or expect new members to sign a membership covenant. They might become too committed to the church and feel guilty when they are tempted to gossip.

Don’t hire staff or place people in leadership who agree with you. Don’t you know these people will be called “yes men?” So, fill vacancies with people who hold different doctrines and standards than those of the church. This works every time.

Lead the church in gossip. Nothing succeeds to split or destroy a church like gossip. So, pastor, if you really want to witness the “Big bang,” be sure that you and your wife lead this little group of terrorists.

Don’t seek to resolve problems with members immediately. Let it fester first. By the time you get to the fire, it will have spread throughout the church and you won’t have a clue which way to aim the hose.

Don’t develop ministries or train people how to do the work of the ministry. One reason people leave churches is they feel unimportant to the body. So, don’t seek for ways to start new ministries or involve others in the work of the church. Nothing works better than feeling unneeded or unimportant to the church.

Preach sound doctrine, but don’t make it relevant to them or life’s problems. When preaching doctrine, don’t include answers to questions like; “Why does this matter, or how does this apply to my daily life?” Go down deep, stay down long and come up dry.

Don’t listen to or seek advice of church members. What do they know? Ignore all complaints or suggestions. Remember, the mouth cannot say to the ear, “I need you.”  or, something like that.

Although volumes could be written on this subject; if you follow these rules, I am sure you will have a very successful church split in time. Don’t be discouraged; just keep working on the above and it will happen.